the boo-boo: Harshness!

@4:30 AM..

I woke up from my deep slumber just a while back. Earlier than that, I tried tossing and turning on my bed, hoping that I could get some more sleep, and rest like a normal human does. I tried, still i tried... tried once more.. then boom! I fell out of my bed freely,. ugh! that hurts.."Thank you gravity!", i uttered. My mind stirred up, with eyes wide open..sighed, No..big sigh.. haaaaay! thank you REM! LOL. I ran back and forth the bathroom, to check if i was OK, Thank God I was ok, no scratch seen, I just had but little discomforts. For a second I thought of going back to bed, to lay myself to sleep..Then I said No, i wont put my mind in gamble again. Knowing the uncertain outcome,so i read a good book instead just to shake the fear off. I also checked my phone and saw 12 messages, 2 from my not-yet-kinda-special-someone (1 was a cute message though so I saved it.. LOL), 1 text was a lil shocking, sent by a close friend, with an opening spiel.. Beyonce's dead??..duh! and the rest, never ending quotes! Past 30 minutes, the boo-boo on my shoulder blade just wouldn't go away (toddler style of fidgeting*).haha! So I had my limited nursing ROM assessments made possible,duh!.. Click!.. that was the bone. D'oh! i sensed fear, oh no..There goes a potential fracture! Not that i went so crazy about it, i rest assured myself,perhaps it was just normal to hear a clicking sound, i guessed.. I know a little about the anatomy, but no more beyond my assessment..still is, I'm not sure if I was Ok to the nth power..I've been feeling kinda old recently, I hope not the old old physically (knocks on a wood)..It just makes me wonder why God even bother to torture me, after the three-day malfunctioning, now this. Lord I know I made a biggie mistake, but i have acquired a huge huge lesson though.. Promise I wont whine for something great now, just take away this boo-boo..cause it hurts really bad.. pls? huhu.. =(

end..

my 3-day Malfunctioning:

Three days.. the toughest three days I've ever gone through. By those times, I didn't care what anyone else thinks, I am explicitly sure, that I know I only have MYSELF for three momentary days. It has been like a lamentable, bad, rotten dream. From the days back I kept asking myself, is this life? is this me? for what am I here for? It feels as though i was having this constant intercommunication with my self, left me unanswered, left me unreciprocated..

I confronted a friend about this ideosyncratic thinking days back. He then agreed that once in a while this malfunctioning, that was the word he used, is but normal. He gave me an assurance that this radical phenomena is normally happening to every human kind. He sat me down and recommended me a book and told me that I had to make a commitment to doing something worthwhile, and to actually employ myself to read the book.

That being said, I read the book, I had a thorough reading, then had some reflections before embarking on the next chapter. I had so many questions raised right in the middle of my reading so as to think about uncertainties, the help that I would get, or will I be buoyant again, or will this experience be blithesome? It was all too distressing so i stopped reading it. So now I'm stuck with these unholy, riddling questions... who will help me? when will I get better? I just want this crappy, horrid thought out of my system.. I am starting to drain and I am hitting the rock bottom..swear.

There is a terrible conflict that is going on inside me now. I am not sure what is, but hell its killing me!! A big part of me is fighting to get better, and my brain is in a constant battle. I'm afraid that I might end up loosing all these high hopes that I have invested for years. The hope that will launch my pursuit. I think my friend was right at the very start. I miss the sparkling, self-assertive, spirited ME!! I just could never get beyond the belief that this JUST happens to everyone...

"" For our light and momentary troubles
are achieving for us an eternal glory
that outweighs them all..""
- 2 Corinthians 4:17

Hush Hush little child...

he is alone..

his thoughts profusing with indefinite flow
with the thumping of his heart
electrical-like blood running through his veins
adrenaline as its fuel
flittering away foolishly

hush hush little child..

the night ought to dissipate
the madness to unleash
with a big heart, with a little voice
echoing in his mind
about to disobey the most High

shush little child..

and from above came
a thundering stimulus....
he felt the wave through his heartbeat
a command, an impulse
he knelt before the force, tensioned, undefined
he felt the positivity..its there..he felt it

His willpower little child..

the purity of Faith
is worth more than gold..
he was called and not just to believe..
now he has a place to belong..

hush hush little child..

A note to my Dad..

Dear Pa,

Father's day reminded me and prompted me to write this letter as l did not get the chance to tell you. I hope that you're still in such a condition that you're able to read it or have it read to you. Memories began to flood a while back, so I wrote this letter, without delay.

Pa, I know we never had an "awesome" relationship, but I do remember a lot of good memories of you. Sad to note that I did a lot more bad things than good. Out of all those years, we didn't quite get along well, but I wanted to push through all the lessons you taught me, you will be my lifelong inspiration.. Anytime I had a problem you were always there. I remember the times when I was having difficulties with my Algebra lessons. I was about 13. I was very patient that time and you provided me detailed explanations that helped me understand it completely. You were very good at it!

I just miss you Pa. I just want to talk to you. I just want to hug you... I couldn't imagine someone I love so much just left me by choice one day with no sign of it coming. But anyways dad, i miss you! When will I ever see you again?

All I am and all that I will be would not be possible if wasn't for the one man that's been my driving force and inspiration over the years. A good man with a big heart, as what your siblings and cousins claim you to be, which is true. I miss you daddy-oh..If I had another day I'd share with you my heart. Just sitting in the chair next to you, telling you how much I care for you.

By the way Pa, God helped me through my journey of healing. There's nothing to worry about Pa, I understood the pain and I stood strong for Ma and my sister years passed. You would always remind us that whenever we feel weak during really tough times, all we have to do is just call on HIM. I always pray Pa, don't worry.

Thanks dad for letting your wallet walk into my hands, 12 years ago..hehehehe.. I bought a box of cream-O, if i could still remember..strolling down memory lane..hehe.I'll cherish all our memories for now while we're apart...

P.S
- Pa, did you hear me when you were in coma? Could you see me crying and begging you to wake up?... I Love you! and I'll see you in eternity!

your son,
Daryl

(My dad had passed away 10 days before the board exam results came out. May this letter reach its intended audience. Love your Dad with all your hearts while you can..he's the only one you'll ever have.Its not too late to say I love you dad.)